Who do you find scarier? Your suit-wearing, middle-aged overweight boss, who can’t climb up two flights of stairs before huffing and puffing? Or your tattoo-covered, blood-thirsty MMA opponent, pacing backing and forth like a panther staring you down from across the cage? If you were walking down a corridor, and you one of them walking towards you, who would most likely make you feel like turning back the other way?
I’ll list a couple of reasons why you should be more afraid of your MMA opponent. Then I’ll list a couple of reason why you should be more afraid of your boss. Let’s see…
1. Your opponent can knock out your teeth if you aren’t careful – Can your boss do that to you? He’ll probably be flat on his back in 0.1 seconds if he ever really tries to hit with a big one. However, if you your unlucky or get too cocky, a well-place kick or really hard punch from a well-trained MMA fighter can loosen or even knock out one of your pearly whities. Your opponent can do you bodily harm. Your boss can only emotionally, spiritually and psychologically torture you, right?
2. If you lose, your opponent gets bragging rights – If you do bad at work, well… uhmm.. anything new? Yeah, right. I promise I’ll do better for next evaluation period.
3. It sucks getting beaten up – yeah, it does. ‘Specially in front of your teammates, your friends who you invited, your mom and a stadium full of strangers. ‘Nuff said.
Well, that’s three reasons why you should be more afraid of the guy who can cause you instant bodily harm. Let’s think of some reasons why you should be more afraid of your boss?
1. He or she can fire you from your job. – In a fight, if you lose, well you still get to find another fight again on another day, maybe even in another fight promotion, even if your records has four or five times as many losses as wins. However, if you suddenly lose it and double-leg your boss it’s gonna be a long time before you get another job, especially with the state of the economy now a days.
2. You can stare down your opponent eye to eye – Can you stare down your boss eye to eye? I dare you that when you go to the office tomorrow morning, and you bump into him or her in the corridor or at the pantry, don’t greet him or her as you usually do. Stare at him or her like you’d stare your opponent down in the cage.
3. Your boss can put pee or other bodily fluids in your food or drink – you better be careful the next time he or she invites you out for a barbecue. I hope he didn’t accidentally hear you making your impression of him or walk in one you when you were telling your colleagues that joke about him. You spend lots of time (often too much time) with your workmates. There’s a lot of opportunities for them to get back at you at more ways you can think of. Your MMA opponent however, most likely you’ll only meet him one the day of the competition, or maybe also at the weigh-in if it’s done the day before.
4. You probably earn more from your boss/job than from fighting. – unless your one of those fighting hotshots whose faces are household names, chances overall you earn more from your slow and steady job than from those occasional big pay checks (or little ones, if any at all) for fighting MMA. Of course, a job just takes away years of your life slowly wearing you down and crushing your soul, while the fight itself is a coupe of minutes of glorious fame, but hey, who’s counting right?
5. You can body slam and choke out your opponent, but can’t do that to your boss (except in highly exceptional cases) – No matter how pissed you get, you can’t just flip out and do a throw down with the company’s big man. This self-control takes a lot from you. He’s got the upper hand over you in the office, and maybe even legally, if you suddenly go to work wearing your gloves and fight shorts one day expecting to use it. Of course, there are highly exceptional cases.
Hey, so I guess it’s 3 points for your MMA opponent and 5 points for your boss. So I guess the boss wins this fight. Your boss is scarier than your MMA opponent, except in highly exceptional cases. 😉
Disclaimer: Not all bosses are bad people. Lots of them are pretty decent people like you and me. This article was written for purposes of humor only.