MMA or Mixed Martial Arts is bad. It is very bad. It is bad for you. It is bad for society. We must stamp out this so called social ill masquerading as as sport called “MMA.” Here are ten reasons why:
1. MMA will make people too fit
MMA as a sport will help a lot of people lose weight. This will put a lot of internet fitness gurus out of jobs. Who will pay for the salaries and insurance of these internet fitness gurus once all their clients do MMA instead?
Imagine what would happen if every able-bodied man and woman did MMA? This would result in massive losses to the health industry.
Tons of diet pill companies would go out of business. It could lead the country into a recession.
There are cases where MMA has even made fat people grow lots of muscles.
I know of one case of a fat man who did MMA. He lost so much weight and put on so much muscle after two years of hard work that he now has visible abdominal muscle, better known as the dreaded “six-pack abs.”
Now, he has girls asking for his number in the gym, distracting him from his workouts.
If only he had a six pack of beers instead of doing that “MMA” thing so often, he wouldn’t have this problem.
2. MMA is too violent and scary for the youth
Children should not be exposed to violence. They should only be exposed to TV shows that promote learning and family values.
MMA has a lot of punching, wrestling and kicking. Children will grow up as violent parents and abusive partners if they get exposed to such sports.
Sometimes, there is even blood or knockouts.
It is recommended that children only learn the following sports from the age of 21 and below:
chess, checkers, table tennis, badminton, bowling, billiards, and, under strict parental supervision, touch rugby.
3. MMA can be used for self-defense
MMA can destabilize society since it will teach people the art of self-defense. This will lead to a country of lawsuits as ordinary citizens will use their skills to stop criminals from committing crimes. It can even cause the most precious of our society, the children, to defend themselves against bullies.
Some MMA techniques can lead to: choking someone unconscious, broken bones, dislocated joints, concussions, loss of consciousness, even death.
Imagine these happening to a criminal whose only intention is to earn a decent living. The criminal can sue you if you hurt him.
If I were you, I would stay away from lawsuits. Stay away from MMA!
4. MMA can boost self-confidence
Society relies on a delicate balance between the confident and the unconfident. The unconfident people usually give way to more confident people in finding jobs, partners and success.
MMA however disrupts this balance and allows ordinary people to build confidence.
Due to increased fitness, ability to handle oneself and a sense of purpose and accomplishment, MMA and all other martial arts can make a man or woman’s self-confidence grow.
This may lead to an upheaval society which disrupt our economy. Economic disruption has been known to cause massive unemployment, hyper-inflation, and even war.
You don’t want to be the cause of war, do you?
5. MMA exposes fake martial artists
MMA has exposed fake martial arts as some sort of proving ground for martial arts. Before the age of MMA, there were many fighting arts that touted themselves as the among the world’s most effective martial arts.
However, because of MMA, we can easily figure out which martial art is truly effective, and which martial art is a bunch of bull****.
This will give thugs and criminals access to effective dangerous martial arts techniques which can paralize our police force and military.
Also, it will also lead to a massive loss of diversity in our martial arts programs.
It will stifle free speech because no fighter or martial artist can now claim to be the best in the world. This is clearly unconstitutional.
If you are for the constitution, you are against MMA.
6. MMA is like cocaine
How does an ordinary sport like MMA become so dangerous? It is as dangerous as the very poison sold by Pablo Escobar and drug traffickers. Let me explain.
It is said that MMA hijacks the brain by using making release hormones called “endorphins” that give one the sense of euphoria or “highness.”
MMA especially allows the release of one endorphin called “dopamine.” Dopamine is the same chemical which cocaine makes the brain release when you take it.
Dopamine = dope. Dope = drugs. Therefore MMA = drugs.
Don’t do drugs and MMA, kids.
7. MMA doesn’t allow any one sport or martial art style to dominate
MMA is unique that to be successful at it, one needs to learn different fight arts. Because of this, no one single martial art dominates.
A striker with crappy grappling would be eliminated by anyone who has a good grasp of the grappling arts. A pure grappler who had no wrestling wouldn’t be able to takedown a good striker with good wrestling (aka takedown defense), and the pure grappler would probably be pounded into mincemeat. You get the drift.
Because of this, it is too difficult for any one school or martial art to dominate. This has lead to extreme confusion in MMA practitioners, making MMA one of the worst sports for athletes.
8. MMA allows girls to compete
Women’s MMA in the recent years has skyrocketed in popularity. This has offended civil society as it has been destroying traditional family values.
Worse, competitors in Women’s MMA must wear skimpy body-revealing outfits, and engage in actions like grappling and leg-spreading that leads to them being objectified into sex objects.
This will lead to rape and sexual harassment.
Think of the children. Who shall take care of the households and children of the world if women start getting into MMA?
Certainly MMA will unravel decades or even centuries of liberal thinking and feminist movements.
9. MMA is a sissy sport and makes people gay
MMA makes heterosexual people gay because it deals with a lot of sweaty hugging and wrestling with tight holds. It’s the perfect opportunity to feel up another man.
There is even an MMA move called the “triangle choke.” In this move, one strangles this opponent by catching him in between his intertwined legs, so his crotch (genitals) are close to his opponent’s face, suffocating him. Clearly, a move only for the most perverted of people.
Straight men hugging other men is known to cause the release of emotions. Emotions are not good for being a real, strong man.
Even if you check a dictionary, the word “gay” means “happiness.” That means any happiness a man feels, such as the thrill he gets when he engages in MMA will make him gay.
Indeed, MMA can corrupt the morals of our young boys and girls.
10. MMA is the root of all evil
MMA is clearly a cancer in our society. It is unfortunate that MMA is one of the world’s fastest growing sports. Even far flung countries of the world are being infected by the MMA scourge. It’s popularity is infecting even the most vulnerable of society. Old people, women and children are getting into MMA. Already, this global phenomenon has enslaved millions of practitioners and fans.
Such a menace must be stopped. All countries must work together to internationally ban MMA for good.
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